BarefootBlog

I agree. Much of how we process life is a direct result of how we define aspects of life. Once we have the ability to recognize and define something then we gain a certain amount of power over what we have defined. Whether that power be simply identifying something when you come across it again, or the new awareness that you can impact and effect by using principles you previously didn't know existed. All because something was defined. This is why definitions are important. An untrue or part true definition will limit your ability to understand or act, which is potentially more harmful than not knowing a definition at all because once you have a standard set it is hard to change. Question your perception, I am often surprised by the things I didn't know I didn't know.

Nate, you say things well. I was really randomly thinking today....and for some reason this popped in my head before I even read this post:
"Just because you make a noise and assign words to it, doesn't mean it will mean anything"

I was something ... like...that. Anyway, if that doesn't make me sound stupider :) than you might already think I am, I love words. And words are words because of other words. And I think, even though a word may have a set, universal definition, it just depends on someone's application or understanding of a word.

I mean if I say the word record, or brush, or can, or try, or fall or dove.... what do you see? A round disc that plays music or a log of information? Bushes or a way to detangle your hair?....A white bird or what someone already in the pool just did to get in the water?

Like Nate said, definitions most especially need to be understood. I think what actually makes a problem is that even if Webster says it best, not everyone has the same definition (or application of or experiential background) for the same word. Duh, of course. And then I bet when you mix in multiple foreign languages you can create a few more problems.

Ok.. you seem to know alot and perhaps you can help me with something! In a way it has to do with defining things... to be exact, it is defining a relationship! Obviously it can not be defined unless both people openly express how they feel, correct? But to define a relationship... it seems to me that it is pushing the subject. I hate DTR's (determining the relationship) as much as anyone else with any sense! so do you suppose that you should let it manifest itself or push the issue and define how you truly feel? If you do define.. guys feel pushed into it, do they not?But if you don't define the feelings.. then doesn't it eventually just cause problems due to "the lack of definitions"? Does that make any sense?

Nanna,

Unfortunately, it does often cause problems when two people in a realtionship are not equally clear about its terms. I don't think that has to be the case, however. And I don't think it is because the relationship lacks a definition. I think two people can go along perfectly fine and perfectly in love without ever putting it into words (i.e. making it fit into the catergories our culture has alloted for such things). A relationship is what it is, and when two people define it, that act of defining becomes a part of what the realtionship is, but no more or less than anything and everything else that it's made of. So, it is what it is, and calling it one thing or another only makes as much difference as the two people allow it to.

In my experience, problems arise not because the relationship is undefined, but because the two involved are not, in fact, on the same page. They simply don't see it the same way, or don't want it to be the same thing as the othe does.

Having said that, I suppose DTR's are really just talking about what you want the relationship is for you, and vice versa, so that the two people involved can be aware of how the other is feeling.

So it isn't so much an act of defining (capturing in words) what is already going on, but rather an act of making clear to each other your expectations, perspectives, etc.

Nanna Bear- I would agree with Jared. It is more important to openly express the feelings present in a realtionship than it is to "define" it. Like Jared said a definition is nothing more than we make it. Speaking from personal experience, which is all I can really do, I had a fantastic relationship with a young lady in which we both were very open about our feelings for each other and yet we never had to delineate "what are we." We both liked each other a lot, we both knew it, we both had similar expectations/wants/needs for each other, and we expressed those to each other openely, and it went wonderfully.

On the other hand, I have also been in a relationship in which I was continually trying to "define" what it was, something that I thought would have been helpful. Yet at the same time we were HORRIBLE at communicating what we wanted/needed from the realtionship and what our expectations were and it was the most painful, frustrating relatioship I have ever been in. It was also the most amazing in other ways, but it never seemed to fully function due to our lack of ability to communicate what we wanted and needed to give AND recieve from each other.

Hope that is somewhat helpful.