Wednesday, December 29, 2004 

Finding Neverland

A follow-up to my previous post; I watched Finding Neveland, with Johnny Depp the other night. It was a beautiful movie. I really enjoyed, and highly recommend it. Some of the concepts that it sets forth are very interesting and inspiring. Just a really good film.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004 

"Second star to the right...

...and staight on 'till morning."
--J.M. Barrie

"If the second star to the right you can't see,
You can try but you can't love me."
--John Popper

 

I was listening to a Jewish author being interviewed on a radio program the other day and he said something I thought worth thinking about:
"I see people working too hard
For money they don't need
To buy things they don't want
To impress people they don't like."

Sunday, December 26, 2004 

All of these things

Everything is somehow related to you
Every star shines your light
Every bird sings your song
Every warm breeze is your breath on my cheek
All of these things bring you to me and make me smile.
All of these things remind me that you are not with me and make me sad
Feeling like I can't quite breathe
Feeling sorrow in my heart
An aching in my soul
Like I am not whole without you

Friday, December 24, 2004 

Great Poem...

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

--Pablo Neruda

Thursday, December 23, 2004 

Pendulum Theory

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

 

It's only life after-all

I am pretty frustrated with my life lately, I just seem to be getting good at screwing up the really important things in my life. Last night I was talking with my friend Jackie, and we were discussing and reading from The Prophet By Kahlil Gibran:

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous that your joy."

And in the front of the book is written,
"And if our hands shall meet in another dream, we'll build another tower in the sky, Love Cathie"

Tuesday, December 21, 2004 

"And but for the sky there are no fences facing."
--Bob Dylan

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 

Suspension

"Honor Code suspension is used when the student’s
violation is serious or repetitive. The student may
be required to discontinue immediately from current
classes or at the end of the term or semester as deter-
mined by individual circumstances. The student is prevented
from subsequent enrollment until satisfactory
completion of the specified conditions is verified and
the Honor Code registration hold has been removed."
-BYU-Idaho Student Handbook pg. 74

This is what I get for being over at a friends apartment and while covering myself with a huge pillow, allowing my pants to drop to my ankles, thus exposing my bare, skinny, bird legs from mid-shin down for 2 seconds in an attempt to be funny.

Sunday, December 12, 2004 

Movie quote of the day.

"If you want to believe in something, then believe in it! Just because something isn't true, that's no reason you can't believe in it! Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honour, courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money ... money and power mean nothing. That good always triumphs over evil. And I want you to remember this... that love...true love never dies! Remember that boy ... remember that. Doesn't matter if it is true or not, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in......got that?"
-Hub McCann from Secondhand Lions

 

Take it and run with it (life that is)

I feel as though the cards I have been dealt in this life have portioned unto me an incredible amount of opportunity and gifts and talents and abilities; and I have never lived up to that. I have never fully grasped ahold of what I have been given, and magnified it to its full potential. Is it laziness? Is it fear? Probably a combination of both of those, and few other things.

Saturday, December 11, 2004 

Deserve her?

They say I don't deserve her.
They say I am not uplifting.
They say that I play with her emotions too much.
They say I don't deserve her.

They are probably right.
They are her friends after-all.
They care about her more than anything.
Maybe they are right.

Maybe she is too nice to tell me I am a jerk.
Maybe she is too nice to tell it to my face.
I probably did need to hear it.

I did need to hear it.
What have I done to deserve her?
How have I showed her that I care?
Can't count the things I do to embarrass her.
I can be a real idiot sometimes.
Most of the time.

They are right.
I don't deserve her.
She's too brilliant.
Too bright.
I bring her down.

Way to blow it in another important area of your life.
I sure am good at it.
Being an idiot and ruining my life that is.

Friday, December 10, 2004 

Amazing Grace…How Sweet the Sound…

“Christians have often disputed as to whether what leads the Christian home
is good actions, or Faith in Christ…it does seem to me like asking which blade
in a pair of scissors is most necessary.” (Mere Christianity, 148)
I would like to take Lewis’ analogy and apply it to another, similar concept, this concept is ‘works vs. grace’, and by which are we saved. I have spent a lot of time thinking about grace. I would like to share the following story about a personal experience I had with grace and how it changed my view of it.

There are three parties involved. Let me introduce them to you. First Rev. John Newton; Newton was a man who lived in the eighteenth century at the height of the slave trade. What the slave traders would do is go to Africa and anchor off the African coast. There, tribal chiefs would deliver to the Europeans stockades full of men and women, captured in raids and wars against other tribes. Buyers would select the finest specimens, which would be bartered for weapons, ammunition, metal, liquor, trinkets, and cloth. Then the captives would be loaded aboard and packed for sailing. They were chained below decks to prevent suicides, laid side by side to save space, row after row, one after another, until the vessel was laden with as many as 600 units of human cargo. In these subhuman conditions mortality sometimes ran 20% or higher. When an outbreak of smallpox or dysentery occurred, the stricken were cast overboard. Once they arrived in the New World, blacks were traded for sugar and molasses to manufacture rum, which the ships would carry to England for the final leg of their trade. Then off to Africa for yet another round. John Newton participated actively in this cruel and merciless trade practice for many years. During one of his voyages he happened upon a copy of Thomas à Kempis' Imitation of Christ--which sowed the seeds of his conversion. When a ship if his nearly foundered in a storm and through a series of other significant events he gave his life to Christ. Later he was promoted to captain of a slave ship. Commanding a slave vessel seems like a strange place to find a new Christian and finally the inhuman aspects of the business began to pall on him, and he left the sea for good.

While working as a tide surveyor he studied for the ministry, and for the last 43 years of his life preached the gospel in Olney and London. At 82, Newton said, "My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things, that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour." His gravestone reads as follows:

JOHN NEWTON, Clerk Once an infidel and libertine A servant of slaves in
Africa, Was, by the rich mercy of our Lord and Saviour JESUS CHRIST, restored,
pardoned, and appointed to preach the Gospel which he had long laboured to
destroy. He ministered, Near sixteen years in Olney, in Bucks, And twenty-eight
years in this Church.

Reverend Newton is the author of over three hundred hymns the most famous one being “Amazing Grace.”

Person number two; Jack Hilterbrand. Jack Hilterbrand is my maternal grandfather. He is one of the most honest, hardworking, kind, caring, trustworthy individuals I have ever met. He was raised in Roberts, Idaho by good parents, but parents who had very strong negative feeling for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints due to some bad experiences they had had with them. As an indication of this Jack, until the age of forty literally thought that “damnmormon” was one word. Jack grew up, fell in love with and later married Lois Walker. Lois was raised in a “dyed-in–the-wool” Mormon family who could trace its roots back to affiliations with Joseph Smith and other original apostles. As you can imagine this caused quite a bit of a stir in both of the families.

After they got married they started a family and a homestead in Rupert, Idaho. They were blessed with four daughters. Jack always referred to himself as a “Jack with five Queens”, and he treated them that way…like queens…because they are. Lois raised the daughters extremely faithfully in the Mormon Church. Never missed a Sunday, always had family home evening, always held a calling, always had her visiting teaching done by the 3rd of the month, an amazing woman. Though Jack was never discouraging of his family attending church he was never really encouraging either. Jack is a good man and we don’t really know all the reasons for which he never decided to get baptized, but one we do know of is that he struggled with an addiction to cigarettes. Jack had watched his own father die of cancer and really hated smoking and was ashamed of it. In all the years that I knew him I have never actually seen him smoke. But he was addicted and couldn’t seem to quit in spite of his hatred and resentment for it. Finally at the age of 73 he decided that it was time for him to get baptized. With help from God and as an answer to hundreds of thousands of prayers, he quit smoking. One year after his baptism he was sealed for time and all eternity to his family in the Temple of God. After many years of struggling with very poor health he passed away at the age 80.

Person number three; Scott McComas. Scott is my father’s youngest brother, my uncle. He was raised in southern California at the height of the “hippie” era. He chose a very difficult path in life and as a result lived a very hard life, a life following the ways of the world, and thus became hardened himself. In his mid-thirties something happened and he began to change. He began to turn his life around. He began reading the scriptures and attending church regularly, really just trying to be a better person and live a better life. At one point during this transitional time he was talking to another brother of his, who had also chosen a difficult path, he said, “you don’t have to his rock bottom like I did to finally turn around and start heading back up, do it now.” Shortly after he began to “start heading back up” he passed away as a result of living such a hard life for so many years. Scott was a fan of blues music and played the harmonica. I myself have been picking up the harmonica lately and trying to blow out a few songs.

Recently I was visiting my grandmother, Jack’s wife, in Rupert as were my parents. I’d requested that my dad bring along some of Scott’s old harmonicas. He did bring them and gave me a few. While I was in Rupert I had the opportunity to visit Grandpa Jack’s gravesite. He is buried in a small cemetery surrounded by sagebrush, wheat field and cow pastures. As I stood over his grave and felt the cool breeze in my face and smelled the smells he loved so much of grain, sagebrush and cattle I pondered what a great man and example he is to me. I then pulled out of my pocket one of Scott’s old harmonicas looked at it and did the same regarding the great man that Scott is. I then blew a refrain of the hymn “Amazing Grace” and pondered on Reverend Newton. Read through the lyrics of that hymn:

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart
to fear, And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

As I blew out this tune I felt the greatness of these three great men; Reverend John Newton, Jack Hilterbrand, and Scott McComas. Each one felt the Grace of God in their lives and truly lived the lines; “Amazing grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see…How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed…’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”

These men truly were saved by the Grace of God, as we all are, and Grace did lead them safely home. They were men that tried hard to do what is right, they did their best. Their (and our) best is never good enough though. We are not perfect and can never be so without the help of Christ. We have to be our part of the scissors while Christ will always be the other part. Now the only part of Lewis’ analogy that doesn’t quite sit well with me in this context is that it would seem that our part and Christ’s part are equal, we are each one half of the scissors. However in my experience this is never the case, He always does far more than we ever can. I guess that’s why we call His grace amazing!


 

Donne and Terry, Terry and Donne

“This teaches us that perfect honesty and simplicity consists not in devoting attention to oneself, even when one’s aims are lofty, but in forgetting oneself and responding to others, in love, according to their needs. We are not oysters or abalone, existing in shells—even though that is how we may feel when we become self-involved. We are members one of another, connected to each other, and especially to God, by spiritual sensitivities and obligations profound as eternity. And just for that reason, we become most ourselves when we are most true to God and to one another. We become most right with ourselves when we are most right with them. Jesus’ example demonstrates this.” (Honest Simple Solid True C. Terry Warner Brigham Young Magazine, June 1996)

Re-sounding in my ears with more clarity are the words of John Donne:

“No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” (John Donne Meditation XVII 1642)

This part of the essay by Warner made me understand Donne’s words like never before. The thought that we are best with ourselves only when we are best with others is powerful and leaves in me a strong desire, even a feeling of necessity to treat others with the utmost and highest respect.

Thursday, December 09, 2004 

What if you slept?

“What if you slept?
And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed?
And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower?
And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand?
Ah, what then?”

-Coleridge

 

Geniuses, a very incomplete list

I am working on compiling a list of geniuses. I will periodically add to the list. Feel free to comment or add any that you feel deserve to make the list. Oh, and let me know who they are and why you think they should make the list if you want.

Alan Greenspan
John Steinbeck
The Beatles
Jimmy Page
Robert Plant
Eric Clapton
Paul Simon
Jared Russell Orme
James Taylor
Tim Burton
Steve Miller

 

Nate?

This post is to show-off to my friend Nate Mecham. Check him out at www.natemecham.com.

 

First Post

Well this is the first post and I'm pretty excited to get this going.